Issue #61: We Listened to an Hour of Country Radio So You Don't Have to (Again!)

We must really like you all.

Around this time last year, Natalie and I decided to queue up an hour of country radio – Dallas stations for her, a Nashville station for me – and see what we found. Unsurprisingly, we found a lot of songs by white dudes, something called a “Morgan Wallen Doublewide” and almost nothing by a woman unless she was singing feature on a man’s song. It’s as bad as you think: in short, we couldn’t make this shit up if we tried.

This year? More of the same…but worse. Listening to New Country 96.3 in Dallas (Cumulus) and 97.9 FM in Nashville (iHeart, which I still like to call Clear Channel for reasons), we found the state of country music radio not just boring and male, but actually….no longer even any fun? No drinking bops or guilty-pleasure bro-country, just lots of Nicklebackified emo-attempting sameness from men with face tattoos. The only relief for either of us was in the Gold “oldie” plays, and even those could have been more creative.

If you want to hear Jelly Roll, Morgan Wallen and Post Malone, turn on country radio. It’s all you will hear and then some. How that exists with sold-out Tyler Childers, Sierra Ferrell and Zach Bryan tours is a story for another day….

For now, we listened to an hour of country radio so you don’t have to.

Natalie:  Ok, here we go. Once again we're diving into the country radio deep end - not to be confused with the country music deep end. I'm listening to New Country 96.3 in Dallas - a "modern country" format as opposed to a "gold country" format, in industry speak. I have already heard vintage Morgan Wallen ("Up Down," a song I do like) and another new Post Malone song ("Pour Me A Drink," generic, fine) so we're checking boxes.

Marissa: Just turned on 97.9 to a commercial...for the Post Malone pop-up show tonight.

Natalie: Perfect - the marketing campaign is in full swing. For the fourth straight white guy I've heard this morning, we have (courtesy of Shazam) "She's Somebody's Daughter (Wedding Version)" by Drew Baldridge. I feel nauseous. Specifically making songs for first dances is one of the worst country trends; they are all awful....

Marissa: The first song I hear after the Post Malone commercial is...Post Malone.

Natalie: A case study in who is allowed to cross over.

Marissa: The speed at which he has been accepted is not at all shocking and yet still pretty stunning. Also I don't think I have truly listened to that song in one captive sitting ("I Had Some Help) and it's really bizarrely incomplete. I had to look up the run time because I would have sworn that song was 35 seconds long.

Natalie: I don't think "Runnin' Outta Moonlight" by Randy Houser counts as "new country" but if we must have a fifth straight white guy it could be a lot worse. Old Dominion learned some things from this song...

Marissa: I'm back on commercial again but maybe we will get a Morgan Wallen double wide when the music returns....or Ingrid Andress might get some airplay? Perhaps there is a silver lining in that Anthem performance.

Natalie: I've got an hour commercial free, what a gift. Now we've got Jelly Roll. White guy count: six. Face tat count: two. I have to confess, I just can't fully get onboard with his actual music. Sure, he projects menschiness — but rockish pathos is like so far from my jam. Overwhelmingly self-serious and fairly redundant... Oh I guess this is "Save Me" so we get the Lainey feature. 1/2 a woman.

Marissa: If only country radio's obsession with face tattoos would extend to playing Sierra Ferrell.

Natalie: Truly! "Hey Dallas! It's my brand new song 'Cowboy Songs'" - imagine recording this hit with a straight face...It's George Birge, who suffers from the Tucker Wetmore affliction of needing a new name. I'm not furious at "Cowboy Songs" as thirsty and trend-chasing as it is...I just wish country weren't in its minor key era. 

Marissa: Still not convinced George Birge is a real name. I feel like maybe it could be a boat. I could see a boat named George Birge (George Barge?). Well, we're back on here and it's Kenny Chesney’s "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy."

Natalie: Ok you won the jackpot! A vestige of a simpler, better time (see I can be country nostalgic too). We've got Tyler Hubbard; that's eight straight white guys (with .5 women for the Lainey feature). "Dancin' In The Country" is at least heavy on banjo...

Marissa:  I got "Miles On It" from Marshmello and Kane Brown. So the formula is working. Was Maren the only woman wise enough to get on the country star plus EDM adjacent person train?

Natalie: Hmmm good q.....certainly had the best result. I guess the Diplo projects. I always had a soft spot for this one, though it requires you to hold your nose Diplo-wise. Now we have ads, the commercial-free plug was a lie!! Did get a news update that CoJo is doing the anthem at the All-Star game tn; he did the anthem at the last baseball game I went to (in April), fun fact.

Marissa: Well I clearly got the Natalie Radio hour: "Outskirts" by Sam Hunt. Sam Hunt is country music's Olivia Rodrigo, won't explain. Just...sad driving energy?

Natalie: That's fair - basically "23."

Marissa: Well, I finally got a woman - drumroll please....it's Jelly Roll's "Save Me" featuring Lainey Wilson. Just play fucking Lainey Wilson! She has a bar downtown and magazine covers and yet, we are only hearing her with dudes. Also Jelly Roll's rasp....it's borderline silly. Sorry.

Natalie: Oh jeez, we're back with whatever this song is that interpolates Uncle Kracker.... "Chevrolet" by Dustin Lynch (ft. Jelly Roll). This is a rock bottom moment for country, and I have nostalgia for both the original and the Uncle Kracker version (yes it is interpolating Uncle Kracker and not Dobie Gray, let's be serious).

Marissa: Oh no…That song....there are no words. I got "Dust On the Bottle by David Lee Murphy. This song fucks. But it also sounds sort of ridiculous after Jelly Roll and Marshmello.

Natalie: Iconic, and on this year's DRTI Summer Playlist I believe. We have Kenny's toothless ode to being amicable (??) "Get Along"....can't we all just get along? No! Because some people are fascists! Sorry Kenny! 

Marissa: Yeah,  that Kenny song did not work for me. I have "Ain't No Love in Oklahoma" by Luke Combs from the Twisters soundtrack.

Natalie: King Combs. I think we’ve got....10 straight white men over here? Starting to lose count.

Marissa: King Combs! Also hearing Jelly Roll near Luke Combs truly makes Jelly sound like maybe a middle schooler trying to do their most earnest but failing Luke Combs impression at the talent show? Also, I'm confused why Carrie Underwood isn't on this Twisters soundtrack. I need an investigative report on it.

Natalie: For sure...We are in the post-Stapleton era, where everyone wants to have rough and tumble bluesy emotion in their voice - even those people who have never had a sincere feeling in their lives. Some can execute - Combs and, to a lesser extent and unfortunately, Wallen - and some....less so. Speaking of which we've got Bailey Zimmerman over here. 11 straight white men...I'm losing strength.

Oh Jesus.... now it’s Toby Keith’s "Made In America" I love all the people being like "no his legacy is complicated." This song was released in 2011. It's God, Family, Country in song form. Sorry I will not be caping!

Marissa: Yeah playing that song in this particular period in time is a choice also.

Natalie: Saying the loud part out loud...I suppose I should be grateful it's not "Courtesy of the Red White and Blue." Now one of the other funniest/weirdest interpolations on the radio rn... Chris Young "Young Love and Saturday Nights.” 13 straight white men. Help.

Marissa: It just gets worse every year because no one does anything in actual positions of power. I love Lainey but no labels are signing the “next Lainey” because with women you get one. Meanwhile we get 10000 Morgan Wallens.

Natalie: Exactly - speaking of which we're full circle back to MW, with some song I have not heard and is not good.

Marissa: I bet I get another before time is up. I’m struck by how little new shit is playing, even from dudes. Like how about the new Russell Dickerson?

Natalie: Russell Dickerson! One of the only people on the ACMs red carpet who did not act like a robot. I was like...thank you for acting like this is goofy bc it is lol.

Marissa: Spoke to soon: Morgan Wallen is on. “Thought You Should Know.”

Natalie: Lmao, one nation under Wallen.

Marissa: Truly is.

Natalie: Mine was "Thinkin' Bout Me". He's got so many thoughts. Now I have more Jelly Roll. For those watching at home: In one hour we have two MW songs, two JR songs, and no songs by anyone who isn't a white man.

Marissa: Amazing how they no longer seem to be even trying to put men that sound alike on the radio, they just put the same men on over and over again.

Natalie: In the home stretch....will we break this awful streak in the next 10 minutes?!?! And they'll say "It's not our fault, that's what people want" - no! it's what the massively consolidated labels want!

Marissa: Well I got "Halfway to Hell" by Jelly Roll.

Natalie: so you're at two JR too, and two Wallen right?

Marissa: Yep. Two JR, two Morgan.

Natalie: we've cracked the formula.

Marissa: This all just sounds like bro gym music. Well, I got Darius Rucker "Alright" now which sound downright sweet after all that.

Natalie: another DRTI summer playlist song!

Marissa: Oh speaking of podcasts, reminds me I loved his 24 Question Party People episode too.

Natalie:  We're back on ads so I don't think the streak will be broken: a woman-free and BIPOC-free hour of country radio down here in Dallas. As it ever was (in the past 20 years at least).

Marissa: Truly feels like radio has been doubling down. I do not think I will get a solo woman - let's see what this next song is…ah, a new Blake Shelton. Sorry - not Blake Shelton. Post Malone, featuring Blake Shelton! Introduced comically as "a new Blake Shelton song" LOL. I came in with Posty and am going out with Posty.

Natalie: oh that's the one I heard when we were starting. That's called cross-corporate synergy, baby. Doesn't matter who owns them they're playing the same stuff. Wait…I got “White Liar” by Miranda Lambert! It took over an hour.

Marissa: And yet, not a new one. Not her single!

Natalie: ok well we heard one whole woman from over a decade ago so I guess country radio is actually fine nothing to see here!! Now more Bailey Zimmerman...I swear the last one was like 5 songs ago.....gah i'm turning this off.

Marissa: I'm going to listen to the new Sturgill Simpson again.

Natalie: Wild that radio will make you nostalgic for the halcyon days of bro country that was actually fun. So serious and emo and clunky and bleh. Everyone's like "but country is about sad songs!" and like...yes but they still usually have wit!!!

Marissa: Really is shocking how un-fun it all is. This is all more sad dad Nickelback than ever. You know it's bad when I'm not even hoping for a woman, I'm just hoping for a fun little bop made in the year 2024.

Natalie: Anyway sigh. broken system stays broken and the buck will continue to be passed about whose fault it is.

Marissa: Equitable airplay is further from reality than ever, as we have one of the most visible new female country stars in ages. I think folks have to look at that and ask some hard questions.

Natalie: will they not bc they're printing money. Country capitalism, somebody write that book!

Marissa: Would read, with tears.

Natalie: Well, until next time, when things will undoubtedly be the same!

Marissa: Or worse!